It almost never happened. I had put in the Holiday Request Form three weeks ago. I find out later that it sat on my manager's desk for a week untouched. No fucking use though I think he had a good reason. Sick children at home. I put in another one hoping I would still get it. I couldn't plan anything just in case. I got the holidays confirmed on Friday but had to work all day Saturday and Sunday. I texted Erica and told her that I would come down on Tuesday so I could have Monday to take a break and make preparations. She called back and left such an unkind voicemail that I didn't want to speak to her, let alone pay her a visit.
For two days I didn't answer my phone. I did call her on Monday evening and decided to go after all. I got up early on Tuesday morning, packed all my stuff from Zoe's place and then went home. I picked up a few bits from my house then waited an entire hour for my mum to get herself together enough to take me to the station. When we finally got there I almost ditched her, but it was probably better that I didn't.
I got into the ticket office and only had about twenty minutes before the next train to King's Cross Station. I wanted a Young Person's Railcard to take a third off the ticket price but I needed a passport style photo. I went to the Passport photo booth but it did not take notes. So I went to the Newsagents booth but they do not give change. So I bought a pack of Wine Gums from the pernickety bitch to break my £10 note. Then I took my change to the photo booth and got my head shots to get my card. My hair was a mess.
I filled in a form and paid £20 for the card. I then used it to pay £75ish for a return ticket. Add 3.50 for the pictures, 40p for the wine gums and the whole endeavour set me back near to a ton without including lunch. Zoe reckoned I should fly down as it is usually cheaper, though I am not sure. At such short notice I wonder what the total cost would be.
Sunday 30 May 2010
Monday 19 April 2010
Nowism
Nowism is about unplanned, unstructured and unedited creativity; I know it is not a very chilled out, arty thing to say but I have to be strict about this.
It is my hope that Nowism will allow artists to step away from their normal method of creating art, whatever that art form might be, and create something different.
It is my hope that Nowism will allow artists to step away from their normal method of creating art, whatever that art form might be, and create something different.
Saturday 27 March 2010
Dear Diary 02
Today has been a strange day.
I just typed that and realised that I have a had a strange week. For the last week or more I have been going through a lot of things that would normally make me very unhappy only I have not been letting it stop me like I would. I mean my normal behaviour would be to get upset and go home. Only I have not been doing that.
I went to Glasgow to see "The Warriors" movie using directions from the AA website. It went fine until the junctions ceased to have numbers and I needed No.17 and I hit some road works. I got to a junction and Glasgow was sign posted in both directions - 'what the fuck?' So I took a road and drove and drove until I spotted something I recognised then pulled over. I was a ways away from where I wanted to be so I ran around the streets and, as usual, I was only one block away from my destination and ran past it. I arrived 15 minutes late and only missed the first few intro credits. The film was awesome. The early scene where the character Cyrus speaks to all the gangs in the park and the gangs cheer at these points the crowd I was sat in started to cheer too. Normally I would have got lost, got pissed off and driven home but I didn't do that this time.
I slept over in Glasgow and ended up in a very depressing conversation with my hostess, not her fault as I don't think she realised how screwed up I am. Feeling like crap I was all but decided to just drive home and do nothing but I didn't. I went to the Roller Derby bout anyway, fully in the knowledge that the girl who ditched me might be there. It was great. I caught the last few minutes of the first bout and the whole of the second bout. I love Roller Derby. It's entertaining, it's high speed, it's risky, it's competitive, it's sexy and at the end of it all both teams embrace, hug and peck and there is none of the hatred between competitors or their fans that you get with other sports like football and rugby. I know no other team sport like it.
These are just a few examples of me, in some cases knowingly, walking into situations that are of the type that usually make me run away. A few examples from the last week of many days of my doing this and I can't see a motivation for it. Its good I think. So far I may have been lucky, the situations have always turned out to be the complete opposite of my thinking. This makes me think my thinking is all wrong. Of course the day may come when my thinking is right on the money and that will be a bad day indeed, sure I'll get over it. I think that I should make it a practise. Walk towards the uncomfy scenarios as it is highly likely they will be nothing like you imagined.
I have had a good day and an interesting week. Highs, Lows and some real life. I hope every week is as interesting as this. Well maybe a couple could be less so and I could have a holiday. 2moro is Sunday. I could go to Edinburgh and watch more Roller Derby at a closed bout. It would be a chance to watch the first bout for some of the girls I know from my Doc work. I could go to the cinema and see some films, catch up a bit. Green Zone, How to Train your Dragon etc. I dunno yet
J
I just typed that and realised that I have a had a strange week. For the last week or more I have been going through a lot of things that would normally make me very unhappy only I have not been letting it stop me like I would. I mean my normal behaviour would be to get upset and go home. Only I have not been doing that.
I went to Glasgow to see "The Warriors" movie using directions from the AA website. It went fine until the junctions ceased to have numbers and I needed No.17 and I hit some road works. I got to a junction and Glasgow was sign posted in both directions - 'what the fuck?' So I took a road and drove and drove until I spotted something I recognised then pulled over. I was a ways away from where I wanted to be so I ran around the streets and, as usual, I was only one block away from my destination and ran past it. I arrived 15 minutes late and only missed the first few intro credits. The film was awesome. The early scene where the character Cyrus speaks to all the gangs in the park and the gangs cheer at these points the crowd I was sat in started to cheer too. Normally I would have got lost, got pissed off and driven home but I didn't do that this time.
I slept over in Glasgow and ended up in a very depressing conversation with my hostess, not her fault as I don't think she realised how screwed up I am. Feeling like crap I was all but decided to just drive home and do nothing but I didn't. I went to the Roller Derby bout anyway, fully in the knowledge that the girl who ditched me might be there. It was great. I caught the last few minutes of the first bout and the whole of the second bout. I love Roller Derby. It's entertaining, it's high speed, it's risky, it's competitive, it's sexy and at the end of it all both teams embrace, hug and peck and there is none of the hatred between competitors or their fans that you get with other sports like football and rugby. I know no other team sport like it.
These are just a few examples of me, in some cases knowingly, walking into situations that are of the type that usually make me run away. A few examples from the last week of many days of my doing this and I can't see a motivation for it. Its good I think. So far I may have been lucky, the situations have always turned out to be the complete opposite of my thinking. This makes me think my thinking is all wrong. Of course the day may come when my thinking is right on the money and that will be a bad day indeed, sure I'll get over it. I think that I should make it a practise. Walk towards the uncomfy scenarios as it is highly likely they will be nothing like you imagined.
I have had a good day and an interesting week. Highs, Lows and some real life. I hope every week is as interesting as this. Well maybe a couple could be less so and I could have a holiday. 2moro is Sunday. I could go to Edinburgh and watch more Roller Derby at a closed bout. It would be a chance to watch the first bout for some of the girls I know from my Doc work. I could go to the cinema and see some films, catch up a bit. Green Zone, How to Train your Dragon etc. I dunno yet
J
Letter to myself
I'm scared.
I'm scared of a lot of things. I have chosen a life which allows me to be very creative but comes with a lot of risk attached.
.Sounds like everyone's job. Everyone takes risks but not everyone gets to be creative.
I'm scared of being alone. Not alone as in having no one around me for a time, I mean alone as in no one will love me.
.Again sounds like everyone. Some people are so afraid of alone that they suffer through bad relationships because they think the alternative is worse. Don't worry so much, you'll get another chance to suffer.
I'm scared that I am not good enough, smart enough, talented enough to be a success in my chosen feild.
.I don't know if other people worry about this but I imagine some do. I think the fact that this has occurred to you means you lack some arrogance. You are still pursuing your career so you must have some arrogance but perhaps you need more.
I'm scared that I will never be happy.
.You know this is a fleeting worry. You know that happiness is yours for the taking. External things like cookies, movies and perhaps a new purchase these do not make you happy, what they do is distract you from the unhappy or just the boredom. Being happy is a feeling that comes from something else, something intangible. You access this place in your own way and you know that. Next time you dance around the kitchen ask the question again.
I'm scared of the way my new life will move. It will not be a rota. It will not be a 5 days out of 7. It will not have a monthly payday. It will not be in the same building all the time. It will not have regular co-workers to know.
.I think this is something that you are just going to have to get used to. Your life will not have these things. Your life will have no staff uniform. Your life will have no name badge. Your life will have no dress code. Your life will have new people and new places in it. Your life will be interesting times.
I'm scared of a lot of things. I have chosen a life which allows me to be very creative but comes with a lot of risk attached.
.Sounds like everyone's job. Everyone takes risks but not everyone gets to be creative.
I'm scared of being alone. Not alone as in having no one around me for a time, I mean alone as in no one will love me.
.Again sounds like everyone. Some people are so afraid of alone that they suffer through bad relationships because they think the alternative is worse. Don't worry so much, you'll get another chance to suffer.
I'm scared that I am not good enough, smart enough, talented enough to be a success in my chosen feild.
.I don't know if other people worry about this but I imagine some do. I think the fact that this has occurred to you means you lack some arrogance. You are still pursuing your career so you must have some arrogance but perhaps you need more.
I'm scared that I will never be happy.
.You know this is a fleeting worry. You know that happiness is yours for the taking. External things like cookies, movies and perhaps a new purchase these do not make you happy, what they do is distract you from the unhappy or just the boredom. Being happy is a feeling that comes from something else, something intangible. You access this place in your own way and you know that. Next time you dance around the kitchen ask the question again.
I'm scared of the way my new life will move. It will not be a rota. It will not be a 5 days out of 7. It will not have a monthly payday. It will not be in the same building all the time. It will not have regular co-workers to know.
.I think this is something that you are just going to have to get used to. Your life will not have these things. Your life will have no staff uniform. Your life will have no name badge. Your life will have no dress code. Your life will have new people and new places in it. Your life will be interesting times.
Tuesday 9 March 2010
Dear Diary
Hey Guys,
I have been wondering recently about my own mental stability. I don't think I am crazy or insane or dangerous or anything, its just that my mood swings and turns on a dime. I thought that by my age (late twenties) that sort of thing should have stopped. I have been thinking about this for a while and today it happened again so I will make note of it. I was feeling really down and low and then I heard one little thing and I was in the clouds again. I feel that this is a sign of immaturity. That I should be stable or at least near to it.
Anyway, I had to go to college today. Sucks. The tutors gave us more work after the fact. They do this, they set us a practical exercise then a few weeks later saunter in with the paperwork that should have been done before the practical part. I shouldn't really be surprised tho, 2 years of this behaviour so far.
We discussed the movie Shawshank Redemption, the scenes where Andy and Red play draughts/checkers and the one where Byron Hadley almost throws Andy off a roof. We talked about planning and blocking and how in some scenes dialogue can dictate movement. The scene on the rooftop has many point where the actors walking or changing direction is synced with thier lines. Interesting stuff.
After that we all bitched about the work and me and R went for a break. She told me about the funeral she had to go to last week. She and her father haven't spoken in years and he was there, seemingly, doing his best to avoid her. She also met a bunch of people who knew her when she was small. Reminded me of my Gran's 80th or the big anniversary I went to years ago, rooms full of people who know your name and haven't seen you since you were 4 or 5 and want to ask how you are. Total strangers in your eyes
We could then work under our own reconisanse. But my college being what it is all the printers were dead and all the useful spaces were occupied. I tried to do some work but without a computer let alone a printer I can't achieve much. I am at home now, watching Robocop, and not working when I should be.
I will do some work tonight and see how it goes 2moro.
Laters
Jon
I have been wondering recently about my own mental stability. I don't think I am crazy or insane or dangerous or anything, its just that my mood swings and turns on a dime. I thought that by my age (late twenties) that sort of thing should have stopped. I have been thinking about this for a while and today it happened again so I will make note of it. I was feeling really down and low and then I heard one little thing and I was in the clouds again. I feel that this is a sign of immaturity. That I should be stable or at least near to it.
Anyway, I had to go to college today. Sucks. The tutors gave us more work after the fact. They do this, they set us a practical exercise then a few weeks later saunter in with the paperwork that should have been done before the practical part. I shouldn't really be surprised tho, 2 years of this behaviour so far.
We discussed the movie Shawshank Redemption, the scenes where Andy and Red play draughts/checkers and the one where Byron Hadley almost throws Andy off a roof. We talked about planning and blocking and how in some scenes dialogue can dictate movement. The scene on the rooftop has many point where the actors walking or changing direction is synced with thier lines. Interesting stuff.
After that we all bitched about the work and me and R went for a break. She told me about the funeral she had to go to last week. She and her father haven't spoken in years and he was there, seemingly, doing his best to avoid her. She also met a bunch of people who knew her when she was small. Reminded me of my Gran's 80th or the big anniversary I went to years ago, rooms full of people who know your name and haven't seen you since you were 4 or 5 and want to ask how you are. Total strangers in your eyes
We could then work under our own reconisanse. But my college being what it is all the printers were dead and all the useful spaces were occupied. I tried to do some work but without a computer let alone a printer I can't achieve much. I am at home now, watching Robocop, and not working when I should be.
I will do some work tonight and see how it goes 2moro.
Laters
Jon
Friday 5 March 2010
Pop
For some reason I really want a can of Coke. Not a bottle or a draught, for some reason, I want a can. No clue as to why. So I have never really blogged before. I used to write movie reveiws in my Myspace blogspace but that seemed stupid as no one ever read them and recently I deleted that profile anyway. So I guess I should write about something.
I was inspired to start writing blogs because of a girl called Chloe in Minnesota (had to double-check the spelling there). She writes a blog called Urban Tease and I sort of read it, I mean I never looked into subscribing, I would just look it out. I'm sometimes old fashioned that way.
Anyway I was reading FHM the other day and it seems, amongst other things, that Google will be taking over the world. Or at least a part of it. I was very sceptical about this until I read that they make about $12 million a day. With that kind of money they could do a lot. There plan is, in no particular order, to release a better phone than the iphone and defeat Apple. To introduce an online operating system for your computer and defeat Microsoft. After that there is the relatively simple task of providing internet TV and skype functions and then the average user won't need anything else. We already save money by getting our TV, phone and internet from one provider what if you could get internet, TV, landline, mobile phone tariff, insurance tariff, computer games, movie rentals, mp3 downloads, newspapers online, all the worlds books, e-mail services all from one place for one low price. We would be fools not to take it, all it would cost is our privacy. One company would know even more about us than it does now.
So yeah blogging.
I was woken up at 5.30am this morning by a girl called R. I have sort of a small crush going so I could not be mad, plus she brought me cake. She was headed to a funeral down south and wanted me to take some camera equipment back to college for her. We both attend a college here and study film making of a type. So I have been awake for almost 20 hours with the aid of caffeine and sugar. I spent most of the day at college but did not actually achieve much accept the realisation that I have lots of paperwork to do. I plan to do some over the weekend but I also plan to see the Anthony Hopkins exhibition at The Dome in Edinburgh. Does anyone else sometimes get that? You have so much work to do that you put off starting it because you know that once it starts you will have to get it finished? I am an amazing procrastinator, hence this blog instead of any actual work.
Its one - thirty in the morning where I am so I am off to bed.
J.
I was inspired to start writing blogs because of a girl called Chloe in Minnesota (had to double-check the spelling there). She writes a blog called Urban Tease and I sort of read it, I mean I never looked into subscribing, I would just look it out. I'm sometimes old fashioned that way.
Anyway I was reading FHM the other day and it seems, amongst other things, that Google will be taking over the world. Or at least a part of it. I was very sceptical about this until I read that they make about $12 million a day. With that kind of money they could do a lot. There plan is, in no particular order, to release a better phone than the iphone and defeat Apple. To introduce an online operating system for your computer and defeat Microsoft. After that there is the relatively simple task of providing internet TV and skype functions and then the average user won't need anything else. We already save money by getting our TV, phone and internet from one provider what if you could get internet, TV, landline, mobile phone tariff, insurance tariff, computer games, movie rentals, mp3 downloads, newspapers online, all the worlds books, e-mail services all from one place for one low price. We would be fools not to take it, all it would cost is our privacy. One company would know even more about us than it does now.
So yeah blogging.
I was woken up at 5.30am this morning by a girl called R. I have sort of a small crush going so I could not be mad, plus she brought me cake. She was headed to a funeral down south and wanted me to take some camera equipment back to college for her. We both attend a college here and study film making of a type. So I have been awake for almost 20 hours with the aid of caffeine and sugar. I spent most of the day at college but did not actually achieve much accept the realisation that I have lots of paperwork to do. I plan to do some over the weekend but I also plan to see the Anthony Hopkins exhibition at The Dome in Edinburgh. Does anyone else sometimes get that? You have so much work to do that you put off starting it because you know that once it starts you will have to get it finished? I am an amazing procrastinator, hence this blog instead of any actual work.
Its one - thirty in the morning where I am so I am off to bed.
J.
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